It's funny to me that this place was meant for writing about my Ashtanga practice and lately I don't feel like writing about that at all.
Why? Well, it's both a little boring to me and also a huge question mark of what to say. I'm in India practicing yoga. There are easily hundreds (maybe thousands) of blogs out there that will give you details about their practice here at the Main Shala and where ever they live. I read many of their blogs. I'm interested in them even. Somehow though I don't feel the need to offer my input.
However, today I'm going to give it a go... My practice; it's intense, it's hard, my body hurts, I'm practicing part of second series now, working on back drops, meditating, doing my breathings, noticing things I don't like about the scene here, noticing things I do like about the scene here, reading Yoga the alpha and the omega, thinking about cleaning up my mind, living with awareness, feeling lonely for home, feeling happy to be here... all these things are there. But, see they just don't seem that interesting to me. I practice Ashtanga yoga, big deal. Yes, I'm committed. Yes, it is my practice right now but ironically maybe it does not define me. It is not who I am. I am still crazy. I am still angry. I have hate. I have longings. I eat foods that aren't good for me. I stay up too late. I drink too much coffee. I struggle with relationships, family, friends and being alive.
My practice here and at home teaches me to see the ways in which I am still very far from being a yogi. That fact doesn't feel like a part of practice that is fun to read about but it is part of the practice and even if I don't think its fun to read its part of my life.
Actually, my intention for this space was never to have it be fun. I choose to start this page because I want to write. I want to have a place for me to feel okay about pouring out my thoughts, my questions about life, that doesn't have rules but also has a universal ether that its put into. Why? I don't exactly know. I could tell you that I think I am special and I half believe someone will read my words and identify with me in some way. That I hold hope someone out there will see I am like them but also not like them. I could say that I'm looking for something but I don't really have a clue what it is. I could say that I'm feeling hopeless and isolated. I could say that I want something to look at that helps me mark where I am and where I've come from. I could say loads about why I'm doing anything but most of it would be bull shit. Just like the rest of the human race I don't know where my motivations come from most of the time. I suppose that is part of why I practice yoga. I do my best to have awareness and stay in the moments of my life but I am a novice. I feel no real urge to tell anyone about yoga. It is not for me to say. I have my opinions and some knowledge, yes. But, I am a novice and I am so grateful for that. I don't want to know everything, I don't want to get to a place where I feel above others. I have my judgments and they are plenty but I am aware of myself enough to know they are crap. They are just the trappings of my monkey mind.
Why? Well, it's both a little boring to me and also a huge question mark of what to say. I'm in India practicing yoga. There are easily hundreds (maybe thousands) of blogs out there that will give you details about their practice here at the Main Shala and where ever they live. I read many of their blogs. I'm interested in them even. Somehow though I don't feel the need to offer my input.
However, today I'm going to give it a go... My practice; it's intense, it's hard, my body hurts, I'm practicing part of second series now, working on back drops, meditating, doing my breathings, noticing things I don't like about the scene here, noticing things I do like about the scene here, reading Yoga the alpha and the omega, thinking about cleaning up my mind, living with awareness, feeling lonely for home, feeling happy to be here... all these things are there. But, see they just don't seem that interesting to me. I practice Ashtanga yoga, big deal. Yes, I'm committed. Yes, it is my practice right now but ironically maybe it does not define me. It is not who I am. I am still crazy. I am still angry. I have hate. I have longings. I eat foods that aren't good for me. I stay up too late. I drink too much coffee. I struggle with relationships, family, friends and being alive.
My practice here and at home teaches me to see the ways in which I am still very far from being a yogi. That fact doesn't feel like a part of practice that is fun to read about but it is part of the practice and even if I don't think its fun to read its part of my life.
Actually, my intention for this space was never to have it be fun. I choose to start this page because I want to write. I want to have a place for me to feel okay about pouring out my thoughts, my questions about life, that doesn't have rules but also has a universal ether that its put into. Why? I don't exactly know. I could tell you that I think I am special and I half believe someone will read my words and identify with me in some way. That I hold hope someone out there will see I am like them but also not like them. I could say that I'm looking for something but I don't really have a clue what it is. I could say that I'm feeling hopeless and isolated. I could say that I want something to look at that helps me mark where I am and where I've come from. I could say loads about why I'm doing anything but most of it would be bull shit. Just like the rest of the human race I don't know where my motivations come from most of the time. I suppose that is part of why I practice yoga. I do my best to have awareness and stay in the moments of my life but I am a novice. I feel no real urge to tell anyone about yoga. It is not for me to say. I have my opinions and some knowledge, yes. But, I am a novice and I am so grateful for that. I don't want to know everything, I don't want to get to a place where I feel above others. I have my judgments and they are plenty but I am aware of myself enough to know they are crap. They are just the trappings of my monkey mind.
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